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February 18, 2011 [The things I'll never tell you - but that you already know] Back then, there were few subjects they dared to talk about. Rarely they found the right word, when it was important. They always arrived one moment too late, when they couldn't reach each other anymore. He felt worse as the minutes passed by. He could only think of unpleasant words to say. She thought that the right attitude, for her, was to sit still, looking straight ahead, with her hands on her lap. During a few moments, they said nothing - each one avoiding the partner. Unlike lovers, they didn't have a past; unlike husbands and wives, they didn't have a future. And, despite this, until that morning, she liked him more than any other person. "You used to want to creat things; now you seem to want to destroy them". It was my mistake. After begging me to go visitting him, he treated me dryly. He looked at me as if I didn't exist. We should let people look for us, that's it. So she started to despise that love, in a way that it looked like nothing more than a sentimental habit since the beggining. In the same way, she lied to him the night before, when she swore that never so completely... so thoroughly... so helplessly. Her adventures throughout many years had been so alike that, as they faded away, they became more important due to their value as a conversation topic, than for themselves. Her emotions only existed when she talked about them. postado por: Sally 12:17 PM January 7, 2011 "El lunes me enamoro;
Last night, crime night: great friends and loads of alcohol. "I'm sorry that you're part of this, but I can't be left alone tonight". And today I said to him it would be pretty much impossible to party harder than we did yesterday. You see, I'm not embarrassed with what happened last night. It was the best thing that has happened to me in the past few months, and even if it never happens again, I would be glad for what happened. "A caramelo de menta y limon
Girls night out: the similarities between them and the difference from the others laid in the fact that they were both comfortable among men - they maintained their singularity through men, and not by opposing themselves to them. Both of them would have made good courtesans or good wives, not by a birth accident, but through the accident of having or having not found their men. postado por: Sally 11:37 PM January 5, 2011 Memoirs: Je m'en fiche de tout [25] "Como besan las olas
I bet you didn't take me seriously when I said I'd come over to see you. And so I arrived in a hot summer afternoon. Such a lovely first impression, with ackward following mornings - I feel like I will never get you. I've told that before: sometimes it lights up, sometimes it puts out suddenly. No one can understand your way to be kind. >> First night. Wake up sorrounded by the erotic darkness. She examinated briefly the future, thinking about all the possibilities that could lead into a kiss. But that caress was as vague as a kiss in a movie. [28] "A la Virgen del Castillo
[29] >> She found herself in one of those dilemmas of young people, when you have to decide if it is or if it's not worth it to die for the things we don't believe any longer. During a few dead hours by the beach, watching people passing by, she felt she wanted to be good, that she wanted to be brave and wise, but that everything was very difficult. She also wanted to be loved, if that could fit in among the rest. [30] >> Time would stand still, then it would speed up suddenly, as in rewinding a movie. Wouldn't it be fun if we...", and it was fun indeed. And later on: "wouldn't it be fun if we...", but it wasn't that fun. You think I'm very quiet. With the other one - my favorite one! - I used to talk a lot until dawn, sitting in bed and lightening cigarretes, diving in pillows, going out during the night. When you and me talk, no one listens to one another. When I talk, I repeat to myself I'm probably my father. I have even been my best friend. Sometimes I'm my mother and, maybe someday I'll even be some aspect of you. I didn't come with the intention to turn this into something it couldn't possibly be. But I was bent on having the best time by your side. I dind't think I'd have to work hard, though. Why do lovely dinner nights have to be followed by ackward mornings? "Quisiera saber
Today I find myself in this quiet beach. Everything feels ok while I deepen my feet in the sand. [31] "A Utrera tú me llevaste
Don't get me wrong: I really don't mind spending most of the time by myself. What bothers me is feeling alone while laying down close to you. Now we have a couple days left to make it worth. Up until now, everything I'm taking back home with me are the scars and bruises wich will eventually fade away. [01] "A Jerez tú me llevaste
"Y a la orilla de la playa yo me puse y a considerar...": things are not made the way you want them. Seems like dreams like I always had could be, should be making me glad. Why am I blue? It's up to you to explain. >> She found it even worse to keep her eyes closed because she had the constant feeling of finding and losing, fiding and losing. [02] "A mí lo mismo me da
That can't be the message I put out. So why does it keep happening over and over again? >>“-You and me are the most polited people I've ever seen. - But my politness is a trick from my heart.” In part, it was true. She had learned from her dad the good behaviour. She cultivated it frequentely, and equally frequentelly despised it. Because it was not a protest against egoism. She wasn't unpleasant either , but she surely looked so. They had had good moments together, nice conversations between the love hours in insomnia nights. But everytime he would turn to himself. He left her holding nothing in her hands, and staring at that nothingness, calling it many names, but knowing that her only hope was to wait for him to turn over to her. The best part of this trip was the illusion. The highlight was an unexpected spanish phone call to break the silence in a dull new year's eve. And so, she stood up, bent over, and said the most sincere of her sentences: - We're such actors, you and I! “Te tengo yo a ti que dar
postado por: Sally 9:43 PM November 23, 2010 Last night: fight like hell to hide that I've resigned. Go on, make up all the excuses you need, paint up as many ghosts as you can to fit the abyss you've created between my heart and yours. I keep telling you though, it would be much easier to just listen to me: I've always told you the truth. I can't lie. Each decision I make pushes me closer to the person I've chosen to be, and I don't want to be inconsistent with the person I've built through all and every single decision I've ever made. And I surely don't want to be inconsistent with myself. Especially not for anybody else. "¿Qué quieres más?
But last night my restless heart was also feeling excited about an unexpected invitation. Immediate reaction: I'll decline. But on a second thought, it would be such a lovely way to escape this chronic undernourishment... I went to bed with the illusion, and woke up to disappointing implications. "Ya se apaga,
Well, you see, as hard as I try, I can't feel anything either. But I'm sure - yes pretty sure - that no one could ever put up with you and me. So why not pretend that it is fun? "y es que en amores
Now I sit back, still waiting for you to step up and rephrase yourself. "Aquí lo que convenía
But if the invitation was that unintended, then why don't we just walk away and forget all about it? "Por mi culpa no será
postado por: Sally 11:38 PM November 5, 2010 "Maldito fuego el que a mi me quema
Last Sunday Afternoon, thinking: "I'm falling apart, now I feel it. And if I make it home with what I have left I'll never ever leave again". And I don't know if it was the weight of your actions or the way you said my name. Say my name... "Me llamaban a comer
And if you were to say anything, you would say: "Gitana, de ti me río
So I dismissed myself with a lousy excuse to disappear. I wish they had never found me. But she went there to count ten thousand questions to the answers - I'd rather drown! Now I dance alone on the floor she helped me build of ten thousand answers that never came. Like: why am I left to pretend? Why am I trapped in a past life again? "Tengo miedo de encontrarme
And in the following morning: unable to sleep but hoping I would never wake up again. "Era tan grande mi dolor
postado por: Sally 1:43 AM October 30, 2010 "Las que se publican
I guess I've misjudged the impact that my decisions would have on you. I thought you would start babbling about life's unfairness, and how everything happens to you. But you took it like a real gentleman, all grown up. Now I recognize the person I've met on that cold july evening. When you don't say anything, I see everything that has made me want to be with you in the first place. I sincerely hope we'll meet again soon, talk like we used to. And when the bottle of wine is empty, to go to your room and not sleep until dawn. postado por: Sally 10:34 AM October 22, 2010 "A mi me ha llegao el momento
I've made you so happy and so sad - which should I be more sorry for? I don't know just what I know, but I know this is over. No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch, unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships. You keep forgetting that it's not a lie if you believe it, and it's no mistake if it's always repeated. Just keep moving on. There's no perfect endings. "tú me besas la boca
postado por: Sally 12:08 AM October 19, 2010 "y aquella sabiduría
Last crime night: doing all we do to fill up the quiet, to break the awkward silence. Spending most of our time keeping our distance and speaking trivial, and trite. Second chances, awkward glances... is it time to let go? "ay tomatela tu
And so we drink and we spend the night together and we celebrate this lie and hope that it will last. And I am sure, yes pretty sure that this time intention can't be so wrong. (Yes, and I'm aware that I might be there, sharing a sunset all by myself...) "Que disparate
postado por: Sally 11:57 PM October 15, 2010 This one goes out to another night with no sleep: you will find the reasons that I can't sleep and you will still want me. But will you still want me? Well, you can say, “come for the week. You can sleep in my bed and then pass through my life like a dream through my head.” Whatever I was searching for, it was never you. I started something I couldn't finish. I can't regret, though. Can't you just forget it? I know you'll say I lied. But who's the liar? I'm the coward! postado por: Sally 8:51 PM September 20, 2010 I'm a waste of breath, of space, of time. And my sincerity seems to upset everyone around. Remember last monday? I remember it very well. When the sun came up, we were sleeping in, sunk inside our blankets. So why not want everyday to be like last monday? Because a risk worth taking is a risk worth leaving. Wait for something better, maybe that doesn’t mean us. (Seems I'm still afraid to promise). I won't always love what I'll never have, you know. I won't always live in my regrets. postado por: Sally 12:12 AM September 6, 2010 [Last friday I got so old] These four years, and how we say goodbye to these four years. It's a short goodbye with mixed emotions, just fragments of another life. Unreal feelings, unrewarded favors and vainly dreams. Understand: this is a dream. You can be so naive, it's a miracle we were never meant to be. "Aquí lo que convenía
What were the chances we'd be sharing the same bed before the night was through? Go on and pretend like this is all routine, then cover it up. I'll be your instrument. Such a lovely endeavor to get back at you! ---8<---------- Last lovely crime night: dinner, jazz and red wine. "tu eres como la olas del mar
I'm sick and tired of platonic love affairs that almost convince me of what I can't possibly have. postado por: Sally 6:20 PM July 21, 2010 "Pena que no te enamoro
postado por: Sally 10:37 PM [Ay amor que se fue y no vino...] "Te conoci en primavera
Last creepy friday night: "hello six pack of confidence, been so many nights since we first met". A misbehaviour hard to apologize for. So I woke up the next day with the worst feeling ever. Kept drinking all weekend long. "You see", I said, "I'm trying to drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away". Please give me something, any thinking, to get this off my chest. The following day was supposed to be a little happier than the day before. But the feeling of not being welcome, mixed up with two drinks too many, turned out to be disastrous. She said "what's the point of this? This entire evening is going nowhere fast..". You don't have to say for me to know it, you don't have to draw. "I think we've been here long enough. We've built quite a hole here", she went on. And I wouldn't have stayed so long, but where would I have gone? As the evening rolled, we finally wiped the smiles from our faces. It wasn't as hard as we'd thought all the while. Erase him from this day, he made it ugly, anyway. It's so obvious: two friends drifting apart. Two friends, but one broken heart. "Era una historia sencilla
But somehow I can't put you in the past. I'd do anything just to fall asleep with you... Will you remember me? Because I know I won't forget you. "Tengo el corazon malerio
So, the next day I went there just to see you, but with the excuse to see her. "Que te he querio yo no lo niego
------8<---------- And to the other one: do you think it's nothing but passing time? I don't have the time, nor the patience to waste on someone who cares too much, and gets fastly annoyed. Last night we've spent together, I was laying by your side, hoping I'd eventually have the nerve to say "be quiet, don't make a sound with the footsteps that touch the ground which are crushing the leaves of my remorse". Please, please, please, impress me. "Me debia de haber muerto
postado por: Sally 10:36 PM July 5, 2010 "Tiro piedras por la calle
Last friday: here's to my friends and the crazy nights we'll spend drinking all night and crashing in our hostel. To every ex, I wish you the best. so, thank you from the bottom of this bottle. I haven't forgot the disastrous weekend we had a couple weeks ago. A busy flamenco weekend, and many drinks too many. "Cuando le veo que baila
It's clear. Good-bye, dear, hope we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things. "Y vivo yo con pena
postado por: Sally 1:37 PM June 6, 2010 "y cada vez que me miro en el espejo
Another year passes me by, and I don't feel different at all. Don't feel slightely special at all. It's strange. It seems as if the more time passes, more distant my dreams get. Sometimes I'm scared that things could be so much better than this. But I've become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don't believe in much of anything. There's nothing like a bed for one. I've built quite a home here, away from the telephone, away from everyone. "Y vivo yo con pena
So we got together to celebrate, and you weren't there. I belive that everything has potential to be nothing. Guess we weren't anything. It's been a long time since I last heard of you. You never said that you think we should take a break for a while. I guess you found what you really want, but I want you to forgive me for not forgiving you. I won't forgive you. I won't forget that you forgot me. (This sentimental point of view is contemplating thoughts about you. It goes too far, but it never goes away). Heart-to-heart is wearing thin. I guess you've lost the need for feeling. Things change. You've gone. But you left the rest of me. It breaks my heart in two. Why can't I be beautiful, so you'd want to save me? Why did you lead me to think you could care? "Y me gusta estar a tu vera
It's ok, though. Go get your girl. We can pretend you never even knew me. It'll work out. Don't let go of that one an I'll find mine. postado por: Sally 9:49 PM |
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